Story of my life. Sorry it has taken me so long to write here.. I've been beyond busy and its hard for me to even find time to breath.
Alot of different things have happened to me though and i find it only fair for me to share them with all of you of course.. :]
Sooooo my first year of college is done! Crazy I know.
Its an understatement when someone says time flies by, because literally time got on a jet plane and peaced out leaving me breathless and confused. I'm an orientation leader now at Bonas and I love it. It gives me hope that everything is going to OK when i come back to school here in the fall (i really hope it does.. ).
Orientation probably couldn't have come at a better time in my life. Once again when i was back at home i was hit by the depression bug, and this time i was hit hard. There is nothing worse than feeling your life sucked out of you through one of those cheap straws that comes with Capri Suns. I constantly am comparing myself to others and really i dont neeed to. I was thinking about it the other day, and i must be soooooooooo annoying because i spend probably half of my day bashing myself to other people. If i were my freinds i would have given me the deuces and told me to kick gravel a looooooooong time ago. It seems once i have everything in place, its everything but balanced. moral of the story: Life blows.
However, all the kids that are on O-team and all the incoming freshman and giving me hope that things will get alot better, and they will, i'll make them :]
But bad news on the love front... I am now single. Now please everyone say it with me FUCK MY LIFE. <-- feels good feeling sorry for yourself huh? Well I think so anyways. Everything seemed so perfect, almost to the point where i would get nervous because if something did go wrong then i wouldnt be able to know what to do with myself, however, like Ponyboy once said in The Outsiders "Nothing gold can stay."
I hate this part... you know the awkward silence, the quiet tone, and the constant apologizing. Just stop. I'm a big kid, i understand when you fuck me over. But finding out through a text message, and with your ex? Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh. ding ding ding we've found a winner! I dont care what anyone says but you dont just "hang out " with an ex. Its impossible. So lets not play dumb and beat around the bush:
I lost.
Im lost.
But with you i thought things were different. I brought you home. You met my family. You hung out with my friends. You said I love you. If my life was a board game i probably just went bankrupt and lost all of my property, because i was truly played. I completely understand the whole "you can't help who you love" but thats whats hard... Because I love you.
So here i am sitting on my bottom bunk as my roommate snores peacefully. But before i want to say one more thing... peculiar. Yeah i know, that word is so inappropriate for any situation that i just wrote about but tis my life. One big ol pot of peculiar-ness. I wonder who stirs my pot though.. I hope there pretty. :]
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
djm.
