Stop Crying Your Heart Out

Have you ever heard that one song that just fits the exact way of how you are feeling? I do this game where i put my itunes on shuffle and just listen. So I was sitting in my room today and the song Stop Crying Your Heart Out by Oasis came on and it was saying everything i was thinking.

"Get up (get up)
Come on (come on)
Why're you scared? (I'm not scared)
You'll never change
What's been and gone.."

Its a strange thing when stuff like this happens.. I mean it makes me feel like there is some big power in the universe that is making me see somehitng, and all i need to do is open my eyes.

So i guess to be fair, i should tell you all about why I'm feeling like this. aslkdfje... ok ok ok ok here i go...

So i did it.. I let my heart open and I feel in love. I allowed myself to break down the wall i built so strong because i felt like it was right. My god did i feel it was right. I was finally happy. I could feel. Everything was new, and i felt so refreshed. Holding his hand, kissing his cheek, or just staring into his eyes, everything seemed so perfect... But when things are perfect they have to go sour at some point I suppose.

I got the phone call everyone dreads, but i was not expecting it at all. "I need to focus on me right now and be alone.." was the response I got. It made me feel ok because I knew that everyone needed some time alone just to find themselves, but i was fed a line. Two days later I was given the gift of finding out that he was now in a new relationship.

I know this shouldnt be a big deal, but i cant help but think... was all of this fake? Were the things you said to me a lie? What did i do wrong? How can you have a change in heart so fast?

I know for a fact that the emotions i was told he was feeling arn't something that evaporate over night, so the whole thing turned into a big shady mess that resulted in a broken heart... and back to square one.

I feel like I have a curse. Nothing seems to go right when it comes to relationships with me, and I tell myself, " Drew, there are other fish in the sea." "Drew, you don't need that douchebag." but its so hard to say then to do.

its to hard to talk to him now. I dont want your braclet. I dont want your songs. I dont want your compliments. I dont want you promises. I dont want your sayings. I dont want your fortune cookies. I dont want your heart in my pocket. I dont want you.

I feel i was more in love with the fact of being in love than really loving the person. Did that make sense? God I hope so.

Maybe someday I'll find that person and everything will turn out ok... maybe. God I hope so.

I think to myself a lot if love is real. I mean our society is filled with divorce, vilolence, and hatred so where can the love fit into the mix. But then i look at my mom and dad. They have the most love i have ever seen two people share before in my life, and it really keeps me hanging on.

Someday I'll make it to that point... Someday. Until then, the wall is starting to build up again, and the only ones to climb over are the few people i hold dear to my heart.

"..Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out."

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
djm.