Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Change- it will happen.
Wow. With these past few weeks my heart is breaking more and more with every story I hear about the young gay youth taking their lives due to bullying. Tears are streaming down my face right now and my hands can't stop shaking because I know what it's like- I've been there. I've had my face hit, my ribs broken, my soul cracked- I've had it all. I know the pain, I know the sense of loss, I know it all. You need to hold on, you need to fight, you need to know you are not alone. 3 years ago I posted this on this very blog when I felt there was something that needed to be done about the treatment of Gay Youth. Someday will be our day, and there I will be holding your hand leting you know everything will be ok. I love you.
A letter to a broken soul.
To whom it may concern:
"You were the brightest angel
heaven had ever seen
you walked in with a story to tell and ten thousand tongues to scream and you said
doesn't your heart beat the same as mine
haven't I told you a thousand times
isn't the air in my lungs the same air you breathe"
I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I love you. I love everything about you. You need to hear this much more than anyone else right now and I will be the first person to say it. You need to know that there is someone out there that loves every aspect of you. Please know.
The depression is strong and your conscience is like an annoying fly not going away. I know what it’s like, I know how you feel. Constantly being watched under a magnifying glass, you can never open your arms and show the wings you posses. The wings filled with color and strength, the wings that are still hidden to the world.
Stop. Stop doubting, stop hating, and stop convincing yourself otherwise. You are you and that is beautiful. In a world filled with big cities, and even bigger mountains you’d think people would open their minds and their hearts and understand but we can't ask for a miracle, all we can ask for is tomorrow.
"so who cares whose arms I'm all wrapped up in
who cares whoes eyes I see myself in
who cares who I dream of
who cares who I love."
Quickly sinking and slowly suffocating from the quicksand surrounding you, know you’re not alone. Know there are others out there like you, sinking, fading. It’s not worth it, believe me, it's never worth it.
At a young age I’ve experienced walking across the shattered glass we call society, and it's almost impossible to come out uncut. Numerous times I would lie in my bed wishing that the next morning I would wake up in a different room, a different place, a different person, or not at all. I hated me, I hated all of me. I saw myself as a glitch, a science experiment gone wrong, and I wanted nothing more than to sink into the ground and become like everyone else, a nobody. I tried it, I tried it more than once, and I couldn’t do it, something told me to hold on. I didn’t want it, I don’t want it, please take it away. But the more I begged to be conformed into something I wasn't the more it ate away at my brain. Always there, always growing, always convincing, we can’t run, we are too paralyzed to move.
"Heaven help me for I am lost
what a price my love did cost
but here I am standing strong and I am free
and didn't we share the same sunrise and sleep in the same moonlight
isn't the blood in my veins the same blood you bleed?"
Believe me when I say I have tried to escape, but I never got away. I would convince myself otherwise and distract reality. Afraid of pain of any sort, I was limited so I was forced to face my daemon. And you should too.
No matter how many times you cut, no matter how many times you cry, no matter how many pills you take, it will never go away. It is you, all of you, and no matter what you think, you must embrace it if you want to feel the crisp taste of air again.
Just do it. Say it. Scream it, even if no one is in the room. Take that step off the cliff, and see where you land. If anything I hope you know there will be at least one person there to catch you.
Focus, focus hard and dig to the core of your being. Strip yourself of everything and concentrate on your soul. See it. Touch it. Embrace it. It is you, it is all of you, and it is not going anywhere. You are meant to be this way, you’re beautiful.
"when I die
and they lay my body down
the peace that I will find is the peace that brings you all around
doesn't my mother cry like everyone
my father grieve for his lonely son
isn't my rainbow a little brighter?"
So please but down the razor blades, untie the rope. Empty the pill bottle and stop drinking. Realize that it is not worth it. Love yourself for who you are because the flaws you may see, are some of the most enchanting beautiful things in my eyes. Hold out your hand and feel my embrace. I'm not going anywhere I promise.
"so who cares whose arms I'm all wrapped up in
who cares whose eyes I see myself in
who cares who I dream of
no it doesn't matter who I dream of
'cause in the end it only matters that I was loved and am loved."
I love you.
djm.
"love has no face."
A letter to a broken soul.
To whom it may concern:
"You were the brightest angel
heaven had ever seen
you walked in with a story to tell and ten thousand tongues to scream and you said
doesn't your heart beat the same as mine
haven't I told you a thousand times
isn't the air in my lungs the same air you breathe"
I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I love you. I love everything about you. You need to hear this much more than anyone else right now and I will be the first person to say it. You need to know that there is someone out there that loves every aspect of you. Please know.
The depression is strong and your conscience is like an annoying fly not going away. I know what it’s like, I know how you feel. Constantly being watched under a magnifying glass, you can never open your arms and show the wings you posses. The wings filled with color and strength, the wings that are still hidden to the world.
Stop. Stop doubting, stop hating, and stop convincing yourself otherwise. You are you and that is beautiful. In a world filled with big cities, and even bigger mountains you’d think people would open their minds and their hearts and understand but we can't ask for a miracle, all we can ask for is tomorrow.
"so who cares whose arms I'm all wrapped up in
who cares whoes eyes I see myself in
who cares who I dream of
who cares who I love."
Quickly sinking and slowly suffocating from the quicksand surrounding you, know you’re not alone. Know there are others out there like you, sinking, fading. It’s not worth it, believe me, it's never worth it.
At a young age I’ve experienced walking across the shattered glass we call society, and it's almost impossible to come out uncut. Numerous times I would lie in my bed wishing that the next morning I would wake up in a different room, a different place, a different person, or not at all. I hated me, I hated all of me. I saw myself as a glitch, a science experiment gone wrong, and I wanted nothing more than to sink into the ground and become like everyone else, a nobody. I tried it, I tried it more than once, and I couldn’t do it, something told me to hold on. I didn’t want it, I don’t want it, please take it away. But the more I begged to be conformed into something I wasn't the more it ate away at my brain. Always there, always growing, always convincing, we can’t run, we are too paralyzed to move.
"Heaven help me for I am lost
what a price my love did cost
but here I am standing strong and I am free
and didn't we share the same sunrise and sleep in the same moonlight
isn't the blood in my veins the same blood you bleed?"
Believe me when I say I have tried to escape, but I never got away. I would convince myself otherwise and distract reality. Afraid of pain of any sort, I was limited so I was forced to face my daemon. And you should too.
No matter how many times you cut, no matter how many times you cry, no matter how many pills you take, it will never go away. It is you, all of you, and no matter what you think, you must embrace it if you want to feel the crisp taste of air again.
Just do it. Say it. Scream it, even if no one is in the room. Take that step off the cliff, and see where you land. If anything I hope you know there will be at least one person there to catch you.
Focus, focus hard and dig to the core of your being. Strip yourself of everything and concentrate on your soul. See it. Touch it. Embrace it. It is you, it is all of you, and it is not going anywhere. You are meant to be this way, you’re beautiful.
"when I die
and they lay my body down
the peace that I will find is the peace that brings you all around
doesn't my mother cry like everyone
my father grieve for his lonely son
isn't my rainbow a little brighter?"
So please but down the razor blades, untie the rope. Empty the pill bottle and stop drinking. Realize that it is not worth it. Love yourself for who you are because the flaws you may see, are some of the most enchanting beautiful things in my eyes. Hold out your hand and feel my embrace. I'm not going anywhere I promise.
"so who cares whose arms I'm all wrapped up in
who cares whose eyes I see myself in
who cares who I dream of
no it doesn't matter who I dream of
'cause in the end it only matters that I was loved and am loved."
I love you.
djm.
"love has no face."
Monday, October 4, 2010
i missed you.
Oh hello again. I feel as though I just stumbled upon an old scrapbook found in the corner of my attic. My how therapeutic it is to reread a bit of your heart and reflect on the person you were then and are now. An old friend of mine messaged me the other day saying she checked this page randomly in hopes I have written something new, and it hit me. I had abandoned this page, my ‘spot,’ my safe place. So here I am- starting a new chapter for you all in The Once Piece Snowsuit.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
djm.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
djm.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Sunday, December 21, 2008
page master
Dj118 (2:57:56 PM): i need somoene who gets me
nlua (2:58:17 PM): come here. :]
Dj118 (2:58:40 PM): i love you.
♥
Monday, December 8, 2008
response.
Just to follow up on my last post-
Please know that this letter is to all those out there with no voice.
It’s about all those people who would rather close their eyes and blind themselves to the reality of whom they really are, rather than embrace themselves.
To the boy sitting in his room writing his goodbye letter, or the girl hiding under her covers not wanting to be seen. To everyone who feels alone and misheveled by society.
Everyone needs to know they are loved, truly loved.
♥
Please know that this letter is to all those out there with no voice.
It’s about all those people who would rather close their eyes and blind themselves to the reality of whom they really are, rather than embrace themselves.
To the boy sitting in his room writing his goodbye letter, or the girl hiding under her covers not wanting to be seen. To everyone who feels alone and misheveled by society.
Everyone needs to know they are loved, truly loved.
♥
A letter to a broken soul.
To whom it may concern:
"You were the brightest angel
heaven had ever seen
you walked in with a story to tell and ten thousand tongues to scream and you said
doesn't your heart beat the same as mine
haven't I told you a thousand times
isn't the air in my lungs the same air you breathe"
I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I love you. I love everything about you. You need to hear this much more than anyone else right now and I will be the first person to say it. You need to know that there is someone out there that loves every aspect of you. Please know.
The depression is strong and your conscience is like an annoying fly not going away. I know what it’s like, I know how you feel. Constantly being watched under a magnifying glass, you can never open your arms and show the wings you posses. The wings filled with color and strength, the wings that are still hidden to the world.
Stop. Stop doubting, stop hating, and stop convincing yourself otherwise. You are you and that is beautiful. In a world filled with big cities, and even bigger mountains you’d think people would open their minds and their hearts and understand but we can't ask for a miracle, all we can ask for is tomorrow.
"so who cares whose arms I'm all wrapped up in
who cares whoes eyes I see myself in
who cares who I dream of
who cares who I love."
Quickly sinking and slowly suffocating from the quicksand surrounding you, know you’re not alone. Know there are others out there like you, sinking, fading. It’s not worth it, believe me, it's never worth it.
At a young age I’ve experienced walking across the shattered glass we call society, and it's almost impossible to come out uncut. Numerous times I would lie in my bed wishing that the next morning I would wake up in a different room, a different place, a different person, or not at all. I hated me, I hated all of me. I saw myself as a glitch, a science experiment gone wrong, and I wanted nothing more than to sink into the ground and become like everyone else, a nobody. I tried it, I tried it more than once, and I couldn’t do it, something told me to hold on. I didn’t want it, I don’t want it, please take it away. But the more I begged to be conformed into something I wasn't the more it ate away at my brain. Always there, always growing, always convincing, we can’t run, we are too paralyzed to move.
"Heaven help me for I am lost
what a price my love did cost
but here I am standing strong and I am free
and didn't we share the same sunrise and sleep in the same moonlight
isn't the blood in my veins the same blood you bleed?"
Believe me when I say I have tried to escape, but I never got away. I would convince myself otherwise and distract reality. Afraid of pain of any sort, I was limited so I was forced to face my daemon. And you should too.
No matter how many times you cut, no matter how many times you cry, no matter how many pills you take, it will never go away. It is you, all of you, and no matter what you think, you must embrace it if you want to feel the crisp taste of air again.
Just do it. Say it. Scream it, even if no one is in the room. Take that step off the cliff, and see where you land. If anything I hope you know there will be at least one person there to catch you.
Focus, focus hard and dig to the core of your being. Strip yourself of everything and concentrate on your soul. See it. Touch it. Embrace it. It is you, it is all of you, and it is not going anywhere. You are meant to be this way, you’re beautiful.
"when I die
and they lay my body down
the peace that I will find is the peace that brings you all around
doesn't my mother cry like everyone
my father grieve for his lonely son
isn't my rainbow a little brighter?"
So please but down the razor blades, untie the rope. Empty the pill bottle and stop drinking. Realize that it is not worth it. Love yourself for who you are because the flaws you may see, are some of the most enchanting beautiful things in my eyes. Hold out your hand and feel my embrace. I'm not going anywhere I promise.
"so who cares whose arms I'm all wrapped up in
who cares whose eyes I see myself in
who cares who I dream of
no it doesn't matter who I dream of
'cause in the end it only matters that I was loved and am loved."
I love you.
djm.
"love has no face."
"You were the brightest angel
heaven had ever seen
you walked in with a story to tell and ten thousand tongues to scream and you said
doesn't your heart beat the same as mine
haven't I told you a thousand times
isn't the air in my lungs the same air you breathe"
I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I love you. I love everything about you. You need to hear this much more than anyone else right now and I will be the first person to say it. You need to know that there is someone out there that loves every aspect of you. Please know.
The depression is strong and your conscience is like an annoying fly not going away. I know what it’s like, I know how you feel. Constantly being watched under a magnifying glass, you can never open your arms and show the wings you posses. The wings filled with color and strength, the wings that are still hidden to the world.
Stop. Stop doubting, stop hating, and stop convincing yourself otherwise. You are you and that is beautiful. In a world filled with big cities, and even bigger mountains you’d think people would open their minds and their hearts and understand but we can't ask for a miracle, all we can ask for is tomorrow.
"so who cares whose arms I'm all wrapped up in
who cares whoes eyes I see myself in
who cares who I dream of
who cares who I love."
Quickly sinking and slowly suffocating from the quicksand surrounding you, know you’re not alone. Know there are others out there like you, sinking, fading. It’s not worth it, believe me, it's never worth it.
At a young age I’ve experienced walking across the shattered glass we call society, and it's almost impossible to come out uncut. Numerous times I would lie in my bed wishing that the next morning I would wake up in a different room, a different place, a different person, or not at all. I hated me, I hated all of me. I saw myself as a glitch, a science experiment gone wrong, and I wanted nothing more than to sink into the ground and become like everyone else, a nobody. I tried it, I tried it more than once, and I couldn’t do it, something told me to hold on. I didn’t want it, I don’t want it, please take it away. But the more I begged to be conformed into something I wasn't the more it ate away at my brain. Always there, always growing, always convincing, we can’t run, we are too paralyzed to move.
"Heaven help me for I am lost
what a price my love did cost
but here I am standing strong and I am free
and didn't we share the same sunrise and sleep in the same moonlight
isn't the blood in my veins the same blood you bleed?"
Believe me when I say I have tried to escape, but I never got away. I would convince myself otherwise and distract reality. Afraid of pain of any sort, I was limited so I was forced to face my daemon. And you should too.
No matter how many times you cut, no matter how many times you cry, no matter how many pills you take, it will never go away. It is you, all of you, and no matter what you think, you must embrace it if you want to feel the crisp taste of air again.
Just do it. Say it. Scream it, even if no one is in the room. Take that step off the cliff, and see where you land. If anything I hope you know there will be at least one person there to catch you.
Focus, focus hard and dig to the core of your being. Strip yourself of everything and concentrate on your soul. See it. Touch it. Embrace it. It is you, it is all of you, and it is not going anywhere. You are meant to be this way, you’re beautiful.
"when I die
and they lay my body down
the peace that I will find is the peace that brings you all around
doesn't my mother cry like everyone
my father grieve for his lonely son
isn't my rainbow a little brighter?"
So please but down the razor blades, untie the rope. Empty the pill bottle and stop drinking. Realize that it is not worth it. Love yourself for who you are because the flaws you may see, are some of the most enchanting beautiful things in my eyes. Hold out your hand and feel my embrace. I'm not going anywhere I promise.
"so who cares whose arms I'm all wrapped up in
who cares whose eyes I see myself in
who cares who I dream of
no it doesn't matter who I dream of
'cause in the end it only matters that I was loved and am loved."
I love you.
djm.
"love has no face."
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